My way.

hello lovely people

As i told you that i had enough of my panic attacks and i wanted to get my life back. I was feeling caged. I had enough of all that unwanted attention that I was getting. I started unpacking my stress. I started to notice a pattern. I started to understand my triggers. I would write down my panic attacks. I understood one thing about my self that i was very stubborn which I still am. I just needed my brain to understand that too. I kept trying reminding myself whenever i was on the verge of falling for it, but it didn’t really work. And i thought i had to give up. I started reading about stress, subconscious mind, thought manifestations and projections. I started yoga; a simple inhale exhale set my mind to focus on the present. I learned to stay more aware, slowly i helped my mind to be conscious of reactions in face of stress triggers. I remember one evening i was walking back home from late evening class, it was so quiet, i was finding it hard not to think of death. I was worried that if anything happens to me here, my mum would never be able to find out and there would be a funeral and so many people in the house torturing my mum and brothers with their sympathies. And I did not want that. I tried hard to remember my little tricks to keep my mind sane. I used pinching the tip of my fingers one hand at a time, and it worked. And i remember recording a message to myself that i used to listen to whenever i was under stress. You know what ever I learned during those years have been really helpful to me now when i am struggling with cancer. I am using all the tricks and tactics not to have another anxiety attack. I have been successful so far. I was on the verge of one, the day when I was diagnosed. I have known for quite some time that there was something wrong with me but my concerns were overlooked by doctors. I will share with you the story of my diagnosis in my next blog. The thing is my children may probably have to go through the same stare and sympathy train sooner or later as my diagnosis and I have set the stage and waiting for the curtains to be drawn back. Too much pain in the heart. Talk soon.
hugs