Cancer, cancer, Cancer. I said it.

 Hello lovely people

Is it just me or there are other people out there who feel guilty, ashamed and angry telling people that i have cancer. So i wanted to say yes i have CANCER. I managed to kept it under the carpet for almost a year. Amazing right. It’s so easy to lie to my children, poor my babies. Oh they trust their ma. They believed whatever their ma said. I just wanted to protect them. I know how it feels when your parent gets sick. When my dad got sick, i was only 12. My mum told me and my siblings that my dad has cancer. Oh the brains of 12, 11 and 10 year old. Man, nothing is more fast and chaotic than that. It was 28 years ago. But it’s still raw. I have seen, felt (and my brothers but i can vouch for my feelings, so ) lived every second of that disease until i didn’t have to. I will talk about my time with my dad in my next blog. Today it is about me feeling hard to say it out loud. People say accepting the diagnosis is first step. And by people i mean those on you tube, ha sure. I want to normalise feeling scared, ashamed of this disease. It is normal to dread saying the word out loud. You know what people feeling scared, ashamed, worried, sad, guilty all these emotions are a normal way of processing it. It’s okay if i don’t want to accept it, my body is allowed to take as much time it wants. So let’s be real. Cancer cancer cancer , yes i say it. I can write about it, but not talk about it aloud.

Hugs

P